triggered. like a motherfucker.

my identity as a queer woman is hard-won.  through years of vascillation, denial, secrecy, and srategic planning dedicated to hiding myself from myself i am now working at being authentically myself. and a big part of that is being forthright with any potential lovers about my sexuality.  there is no introduction that goes, “i’m sparkle, and i’m bisexual”.  but there’s also no soap opera (or jenny jones) moment when i spring it on futureboo or presentboo in a space that she or he might find uncomfortable.  because that’s not how you treat folks.  my honesty has most likely cost me a relationship or three.  and i’m okay with that.  nobody wants to be in a relationship where they feel stifled instead of feeling edified.  so, it is with that knowledge i walk.  it’s not an easy walk: there are folks who don’t recognize my sexuality as legitimate compared to their own, there are folks who presume that i’m unaware of what i want in life (or in my bed), and there are also folks who believe that my queerness makes me impossible of being monogamous.

it is this completely erroneous belief/ assumption that makes me impossibly pissed off.  and it is this idea that made me want to write this blog post, because of a song called “think my girl (ay, ay)” by omarion.  this song gives what might be considered an inside view of a relationship between the narrator (whom i presume to be a hetero-identified person whose sex assignment at birth was male, who identifies as male/ man) and his girlfriend, whose behavior implies that she may be cheating on him with a female associate of hers.  this woman does not answer her phone when she’s with this friend, referred to as “the girl that doesn’t have a man” in the lyrics to the first verse. (you can listen for yourselves here, dear readers; i refuse to transcribe this shit.)  the hook of this song goes on to express that though the girlfriend is very physically affectionate with the narrator her behavior changes when around this friend of hers, has a better eye for attractive women than her paramour, and also presumes that the narrator is welcome in the bedroom with the girlfriend and whomever she’s cheating on him with.  the second verse includes some information about the narrator’s girlfriend and her friend having matching tattoos, and some “secret conversations” between the two women.

what bothers and upsets me is the fact that this song is a bunch of stereotypes and assumptions wrapped into one neat little sonic package.  this song is a symptom of the problem — it’s giving me hives when goddess knows i am allergic to bullshit.  this song neatly lists (for me, anyway) what seem to be the predominant, erroneous, widely held beliefs about bisexual women.

i have to acknowledge that  heterosexual privilege allows this song to exist.  heterosexual privilege allows the demonization of anyone who does not exemplify compulsory heterosexuality.

the narrator’s girlfriend is acting suspiciously (in his opinion, or per his explanation as narrator).  since there’s another woman involved in this (as either a friend or lover, possibly both), it’s implied that the girlfriend’s behavior can be attributed specifically to a sexual relationship with this other woman. so, this makes her hot-in-the-ass and unfaithful.  this also demonizes the presumed other woman; she’s got some kind of a stranglehold on the girlfriend’s mind, via sex. there’s no suggestion that the girlfriend is keeping company with this woman who “doesn’t have a man” because she’s sick. or because she’s got kids she needs help with. or an ailing relative. or something that is not about sex.  (could it be that only women sing/ write songs that discuss concern for other women? see: eve’s “love is blind”, destiny’s child’s “girl”, or the jazzyfatnastees’ “how sad”. i don’t think that this is the case, but i’m just asking.) let’s examine this: not answering the phone within an hour (verse 1), a friend with no man who’s often around (probably cuz she hasn’t got a man to keep her company), a knack for identifying a beautiful woman before her man does, and limited PDA when said manless friend is around — she’s just got to be cheating with this manless friend!  am i the only one who thinks this is rather base?  furthermore, bisexuality does not exclude any human being (male or female, cisgender or transgender) from monogamy! emotional immaturity may exclude one from being faithful to their partner.  (polyamory is not a condition of being bisexual, either. but let’s not talk about that right now.)

the idea that the narrator should try having an openly bisexual girlfriend implies that she’s open to having a threesome, which is also not a fact of bisexuality.  there are some bisexual folks who are not in any way interested in group sex.  this is also incredibly troublesome, as it feeds into the idea that the hetero man’s job is to conquer vaginae far and wide, that the sexuality is not valid if he’s not (a) involved or (b) giving approval to the sexual relationship.  hello: i’m autonomy, and i believe that i only need the person who utilizes me in order to be valid or legitimate. your dick hasn’t got anything to do with it, narrator (or anyone else).  that’s hetero privilege for you: you can do what you want, cuz there’s nothing “wrong” with the kind of sex you’re into.

bottom line, this song is offensive for a number of reasons.  ultimately, it turns a woman’s body into product, into object, into a commodity to be fetishized.  it takes away her humanity and reduces her autonomy to a jezebel’s supposed nature.  and no,  a pop song should not have the final say on how we as a larger society view sexuality. but, art often imitates life.  somebody, somewhere may think of this song and either identify with it on some level or forming opinions based on it.

of course, there are ideas that aren’t addressed in the lyrics of  “think my girl (ay, ay)”.  there’s nothing quite like the limited attitudes of some folks in the GLBTQ community to make a woman like myself feel even more boxed in.  there’s the idea that we are nasty, the flat-out lie that we are incapable of loving one person at a time, and most of all there’s the simple misconception that we are who we are because we’re hot in the ass.  not all of us are.  there are polyamorous heterosexual and homosexual people.  there are people who sabotage relationships by cheating, but that has nothing to do with their sexuality.  that’s an issue of emotional maturity, in my opinion.

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my slap a motherfucker button is being pressed.

hard. because of this.

“i’m afraid if he wins, the blacks will take over.”
really?
word?

you think “we” (like every black person is secretly united against your white asses and anyone who could possibly undermine our goals of world domination via newports and malt liquor) are waiting with baited breath for obama to win so we can come out in droves to destroy your pure christian nation of amber waves of grain and virgins? like, the second the inauguration ceremony ends, this man decides to paint the white house black for real? is he gonna pass a mandate that the new endangered species is listed as the educated black man? the fbi’s ten most wanted list is changed to list folks who owe barack and/ or michele obama over 500 USD? are the darkies gonna take to the streets in celebratory dance like the big liberation scene in the wiz? oh, waaaaaaaaaaaiiiit. i know now: the bald eagles will all be caught and deep-fried like so many thanksgiving turkeys, then served on the lawn of the white house on paper plates w/ ronald reagan’s coffin as a table. it’ll be the takeover dinner.

“the blacks” are as varied in opinion as “the whites,” “the latinos,” and every other group in american society. some of us are for him. some of us are against him. others are undecided or not voting for either of the big-party candidates. ridiculous. dry that shit up. secondly, a good number of “us” are not thinking about you in middle america. we, like you, have normal and everyday concerns: bills, food, family, jobs, etc. i hate to even discuss my similarities to such simpletons, but we’re all having very human experiences right now. nobody has any fucking money. you’re worried about ppl who look like me taking over this country? booboo kitty, people who look like you have not been doing a bang-up job, i don’t know if you’ve noticed. the system doesn’t effing work — who gives a hot wet fuck what color the top dog is or isn’t? would the sheer pride of seeing “one of us” in the white house automatically mobilize ppl who identify as black in such a way that we decided to just magically pull it all together and start . . . doing what?
what does ‘taking over’ even entail?
exactly.
simple asses.

and i won’t address the “muslim thing.”
i refuse to discuss what seems to be the prevailing anti-obama (or decidedly anti-democrat, possibly even anti-black) song & dance: these niggers got student loans and took too long paying them back! um, i’m sorry — i had one loan and that was because i quit school after a year and a half. do you know how long it took me to pay it off? about 3 years, and i didn’t even go to the ever-expensive harvard or yale. this is so dumb. are those who criticize michelle and/ or barack obama aware that the FAFSA is for everyone? are they aware that havard’s law school site itself discusses the extension of loan repayment for graduates who do not go into six-figure jobs straightaway? come on. this is just plain ridiculous.

i won’t dedicate much more time to this, as i need to go to bed.

but i genuinely do hope that the scales begin to fall from folks’ eyes. if not immediately or in time for election day, then soon enough that they are able to save themselves from the madness that has engulfed this land.

but what do i know?
i’m just polishing my illegally obtained gun so i can “take over” on inauguration day.

grow up pretty. get a good man.

do something about that skin
try to find a style that makes your hair grow long and pretty
don’t get seconds on that, you know you need to lose weight
sit with your legs closed, especially in skirts and dresses
learn how to walk in high heels
there are nice boys at church
if you never stop sucking your thumb how are you ever gonna smile pretty?
don’t be so aggressive
you talk too loud
why are you always talking?
don’t correct people, it makes them feel inferior
you should wear more dresses
you need a girdle
we aren’t the kind of family that advocates that; we’re christians
why didn’t you just finish college?
you’re too smart to be anywhere except school
okay, when are you gonna have babies?
why are you living there?
what’s that food you’re eating?
when are you going back to school?
you don’t live here, you can’t do that
you can’t afford that, can you?
why would you spend $12 on breakfast? you too good for the cart or mcdonald’s?
i didn’t know you spoke spanish, you just be spittin that shit like [unintelligible]
can you tell me where to find a poetry reading? why not?
why don’t you smile more?
girls don’t dance with girls around here, no matter what
no, i know what you’re trying to do
my mom said you’re not as cute as you think you are
do you sing? why don’t you sing something?
why do you always have to be right?
why don’t you fight back?
why don’t you have a man?
are you gay?
_____ is weird; you probably know him/ her.
turn the music down, nobody wants to hear that foreign shit.
who ever told you that you can have whatever you want just because you want it?
do you and your sisters really all have the same father?
why are you so preachy?
you can make money being a doula/ midwife/ crafter?
you’re high maintenance
you’re weird
you’re spoiled
you must come from money w/ an attitude like that, cuz if you don’t . . .
i don’t know where you get these airs from
why do you switch so hard when you walk?
you know you want this dick, girl
i’ma pray that god changes your mind about that
happy birthday (via text, when i call you all the time)
you sure you gonna wear that?
you always got some weird — no, i’m sorry, different — shit on
you talk in circles. all women do, actually
you use your feelings to navigate the world; that’s illogical
don’t do that, that’s not what nice girls do
what do you mean you don’t believe in jesus?
you gave up on moving to new york, didn’t you?
get outta here w/ that boho shit
you don’t know a good thing when you see it
what made you think you could fuck him too?
i mean, you could be my girl if you . . .
oh, no, we’re not exclusive . . . where’d you get that from?
you’re trippin, this could never happen
why aren’t you writing?
what are you writing about?
stop writing about me
you’re phony
you’ll never have a man
can’t you just be normal?
when can we expect payment?
you aren’t any different from anyone else, get that idea out of your head right now

this post is the result of attempting to empty my head of any and everything that’s ever stuck to me and made me feel like i’m not a divinely blessed being. may every last bit of it be removed from my mind and set free on the wind, never to return to me.

oh, negro please.

(disclaimer: i really don’t trust black dudes w/ chemically processed hair as a general rule. but this motherfucker takes the cake.)

i present to you, lovely blog readers, michael warns who appears to be the leader of of a group called blacks against obama. some things i notice:

this man relies heavily on scripture to explain why obama’s not worthy of the vote.

the scriptures referenced paint a catastrophic picture of death, destruction, and general mayhem as the fault of some mystical satan woman named lilith (i’m presuming this is the lilith who was adam’s first wife)

the cover of michael’s book entitled satan revealed her name is lilith she is 33% of the black women in america contradicts the sidebar on the right side of the second index page of the website, where he refers to one-third of black women in america as ‘jezebel.’

the artwork of the book very clearly plays upon the binary thinking typical of the west, of which the united states of america (refered to by michael as babylon) is a part.

the artwork very clearly displays oprah on the side of evil/ wrong/ the devil/bad/ black (note the black text describing things that this dude is purportedly against) . . . even down to the photo of ms. winfrey (open mouth, hands at the side of her head, not smiling, possibly exclaiming something at the top of her lungs).

in brief, the ideas put forth by the man who calls himself michael warns remind me of every person i’ve ever known who has required treatment for schizophrenia. i’m not saying this to be mean or to have a laugh at his expense (that’s what the relaxed hair comment was for) — it’s apparent to me that something is wrong. following what he’s saying, am i to believe that oprah gail winfrey is the devil and that she has chosen barack obama to do her bidding and lead us all . . . to hell?

really?

i’m sorry, but there’s no fucking way. none. and i’m disappointed in anyone who buys into this. it makes zero sense.

if this dude were on the corner in any major urban center talking about this stuff (in the same way, speaking in abstracts and everything), who’d listen to him? who’d take him seriously? because he has a url and a self-published book and a ustream.com account he’s legit?
fuck
outta
here
with
that
bullshit!

i’m not saying that this dude and his crew (who interrupted a barack obama campaign speech just the other day) don’t have the right to talk about what they want

but exactly WHAT the fuck did this dude say/ do to get support from these cats?
they’re anti child support (why?)
they’re staunchly christian, from what i gather (if the men in the group are in alignment with the head of the body, then that’d more or less be the case right?)
they believe in something “traditional,” which from what i can tell is rather ambiguous (they haven’t got a lot of presence on the web and seem not to have put forth any manner of a mission statement) but involves women not voting (suggested by the preface to the book)
it’s just too much like un-set jello
i daresay every last one of these fuckers is out of his mind
so yeah
i wanna thank renee at womanist musings for posting about this
and implore any of you who come across this kind of shit to dismiss it as what it is: a h.a.m sandwich with a thick slice of bullshit cheese, on par with youtube “star” reh dogg’s video showing viewers barack obama’s “true colors.” nonsensical, at best.
thank you, and good night.

a vent. yes, another one.

fuck off, i don’t have to consider anyone but myself (and by extension my landlord, the ppl who guarantee that i get paid, the utility companies, and on occasion my mother) in everything i do

stop asking me the same question repeatedly. it makes you look stupid and makes me see red. your ineptitude astounds me.

just because i said i’m not fucking anyone as of late doesn’t mean i’m gonna jump on the first thing moving. that’s lame. it’s called a desperation fuck, or on that receiving person’s end, a pity fuck. that’s not okay. i’m better than anyone’s pity.

stop that shit. now. leave it alone already. the dead horse can be pummeled but so much more.

it’s really not okay to keep asking me about poetry readings. i fuck with sunni patterson and nobody else. dig? chances are she isn’t what you want. love jones is a nearly fifteen-year-old film. quit already. shit.

i don’t like sitting in a hot ass seat on the train. the only thing i dislike more: having a hotass person sit practically on top of me when they take the seat next to mine on the train. ew. i become slightly homicidal.

your man is ugly. that’s why i’m staring.

erykah badu’s pussy

isn’t any of my business.

it’s not any of yours.

it’s not any of anyone’s except her, the babies that have and will come out of it, her coochie doctor, and whomever she’s sleeping with.

no matter if it’s wilford brimley, common, all of new edition, the current president . . . IT DOESN’T MATTER.

you aren’t paying any of her bills
what you eat doesn’t make her shit
shut the fuck up
and quit hatin.

i tried really hard to hold my breath

& refrain from speaking on terrence howard’s declaration that women who don’t clean themselves w/ baby wipes are ‘just unclean.’ i wanted really badly to refrain from giving his low-talent ass any more shine than he’s already gotten for playing such brilliant characters as the around-the-way barfly named cowboy (dead presidents), chu chu (biker boyz) & the ‘struggling pimp’ djay (hustle & flow). i didn’t say he couldn’t act, but outside of his light skinnedness & wearing church clothes to virtually every event he attends, what’s the draw?
but anyway. i was tryna bite my tongue, then i remembered that this here blog is mine to do what i wanna do with it. so, here goes:

first off, this motherfucker is not important enough to go around telling anybody how to wipe their asses, short of an infirmed or infantile family member of his. he’s not a doctor. he is an actor. he gets paid to dress up and make believe that he’s someone else & he isn’t even good at that! let’s not allow him to have that much influence over our bathrooms, our anuses or our purchase of baby wipes. i have a girlfriend who’s a doctor & she expressed some annoyance that grown ppl (who come to her & end up getting rectal exams) don’t fully wipe their asses. i’d listen to dr. homegirl before i listen to that guy. because it’s what she’s spent 3 years in school for. because she’s begun a residency. it’s her job to be concerned with health/ hygiene.

secondly, i have to point out the overall tone of the interview. he seems to fall into the category of a misogynistic woman hater. i say he seems to, because i don’t know him & have only ever read this one interview w/ him. but the idea that he’s a woman-hater is backed up by this article on jezebel.com. there as also a fashion shoot in an old issue of vibe magazine with the theme of a couple going through their daily routine or whatever, where one photo depicted him grabbing or shaking the female with whom he did the shoot. i don’t like that. not one fucking bit. my eyebrow is at least raised in that man’s general direction.

thirdly, as pointed out by (my new favorite blogger) dark daughta in this post, he’s sans vulva. he is not an authority on vaginae, vulvae, clitorises, or anything else that biologically belongs to women. sorry. nope. to quote my beloved grandfather, “what’s wrong with that rabbit brain?” honest to goddess, unless you study vulvae from a medical standpoint (being a porn hound does not a coochie expert make) i kinda don’t wanna hear it. really.

so, in short: terrence dashon howard needs to shut the fuck up.

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