well, now.

atlanta tagged me. here goes.

10 years ago: about to turn 18. watching my summer waste away into nothingness. poor again. looking fwd to the escape of college. dreaming of what life would be like if i stuck to my script.

5 things on today’s to-do list:
1. figure out wtf to wear to work tomorrow
2. eat at least one of these peaches
3. call that sexy malian, see if i can add him to the team
4. put some more stuff on my manifestation list
5. find my flippin checkbook

snacks i enjoy:
fresh fruit, especially a peach or a champagne mango
pita chips from whole foods. totally not good for me, but tasty as hell. with black bean dip or hummus.
POPCORN.

things i would do if i were a millionaire:
pay off my debt
give my mom and sisters money for their debts
pay rent on this apartment 3 years in advance
donate to my favorite places/ charities
travel, travel, travel
shop, shop, shop
invest, invest, invest

5 places i’ve lived (why is this the most inane subject 2 be tagged with?): this apartment. the old apartment. the apartment on master street. my mom’s. manhattanville.

shine on!

dope girl fresh has been featured on the ultraviolet underground blog.

altered thought’s silly ass is back at it. this time, he wants you to learn the basics of having relations.

laeti├žia has learned the glory of bragging, a valuable lesson learned from mama gena.

falsabaiana’s kids won the GOLD in their ballroom competition. (girl, gimme a link to read if there is one) she’s also a recent birthday girl! yaaaaaaaaay!

this is my time to celebrate ppl i know/ love (especially myself! lol) & the wonderful things they do/ create, no matter how big or small.

music to wake up to:

swing – che grand

sunshine (woke me up this morning) – labelle

take it easy, my brother charles – jorge ben

congo – amel larrieux

the art of noise – cee-lo

i (mikey) rock – the cool kids

another star – stevie wonder

papillon (aka hot butterfly) – chaka khan

shorties – sa-ra

skew it on the bar-b (f/ raekwon) – outkast

michael jackson – the mitchell brothers

see-line woman – nina simone

sLAyer (feat pacific division, bleu collar, & diz gibran) – j*davey

mama (metro area birthday dub) – hugh masekela

1 2 3 4 – feist

country livin’ (the world i know) – esthero

. . . i’m listening to these songs this morning cuz my black ass reaaaaaaaaaally needs the motivation.

ps —

happy birthday, atlanta. you are a dynamic, powerful, absolutely beautiful soul & i’m thankful to know you. stay open to the universe, continue to reach for everything you want, & don’t ever let anyone tell you that you don’t deserve every last tasty morsel that is life. may you be blessed richly today & always. beijos!

so i finally got some big ass sunglasses.

excitement!!!

that meant i had to play around w/ the camera phone. y’all know me.

^ wasting my life force, waiting for the a train after brunch w/ atlanta

my hair was on its own that morning. lmao. but the glasses are fly to me. forever 21 is really the spot. ;)

being up on time for work

can be kinda depressing
cuz deep down inside allllllll i wanna do is piddle around my apt. figure out how to make better beans & rice, make one of my infamously random iced tea blends, or maybe even turn on the tv for a few minutes before cheaters comes on. i just want the space
to breathe
stretch
get up & be happy about where i’m going during the day.
not that i’m ungrateful for this job — so many wonderful things have happened in the past 5 months alone, things that have given me the tools/ resources to go where i really wanna.
but sometimes i wanna throw up my hands & say “listen, i really can’t stand you folks anymore . . . maybe we can all have dinner together one day & laugh about it but right now i wanna curse nearly every one of you out for some reason or another & that’s a true problem. so, i resign. effective immediately, i quit. kiss my black ass. have a good day. i’ll be back when i feel like it for my personal effects & every blank cd-r in this bitch, since nobody here has a burner on their cpu.” i fantasize sometimes about that.
but until then, i’m struggling against lateness & general apathy. i like my division manager. i like a few of my coworkers. the rest i can take or leave, with a few insufferable completely inept fucking lunatics interspersed throughout. i don’t like the bulk of my duties, but i’m trying to plow through this shit so i can get to the good stuff. division manager has something she wants me to do.
but the papers are piling
my supervisor is a lame duck & doesn’t wanna help me out
so i gotta do it alone.
that shit is daunting.
i’m takin a mini-break this weekend.

so maybe i can come back refreshed & renewed, after communing w/ my ppls.

i certainly hope so.

today i am grateful for: travel, money, water, pretty dresses, & summer.

i think

that the whole “my period is terrible & i hate myself for being a woman” thing is stupid.

that is, it’s born of ignorance & conditioning, sometimes of a shitty diet or stress. when i eat well, when i live my best life, & when i do what it pleases me to do i feel wonderful. if i eat poorly (or consume foods that cause disharmony in my body) i am a total wreck & there’s suffering to be had. & i hate feeling that way. but, without fail, the sooner i let my body do its job the more i feel balanced. i feel right again. so i’m learning every time that i’m magic (& to quote atlanta, i’m sorry if u can’t see it).

i will not be mad that i’m so snippy. it’s necessary sometimes. i’m most myself today. so i’m gonna tend to my own needs first, forsaking all others. my mission is to handle my own business.
it’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day bullshit of life. but what’s really important is the laundry list of dreams, desires, wants & needs that i have. if i leave those unfulfilled, i run the risk of being permanently fucked up and miserable.

one foot in front of the other.
looking forward, period.
let’s do this.