after much contemplation, i’ve realized:

i’m everything i could ever want in a mate. & i’m not mad at that. not one bit.

i’ll be marrying myselves sometime between my 30th birthday & the day i die. invitations pending, i suppose.

i still don’t know

if it’s safe for us to talk.  i still love you.

i still wish we could be friends, sometimes.  you certainly knew how to remind me of how capable i am, how sexy i look in dresses, and how there’s nothing wrong with being myself.  that was you at your best: bright, visionary, revolutionary love personified.
but at your worst, you were callous and crass, inconsiderate, ruthless, bordering on inhumane.
i loved you despite, but had to turn my back. i couldn’t do it anymore.
and now, here i am. years later. dreaming about you.  again.
i pray for your peace of mind, that you have found the happy medium from which you were so far removed.
maybe we can talk again one day, when it’s not about ego or stature.  it can be about love. i would welcome that. 

dreaming of colors, light & sound

the first hints of the arrival of spring have visited my city.

the sun shines, the snow melts, it’s nearly 60 degrees & my toes cry out for sun. flip flops, open-toed wedges, etc. i want to craft, and to wear pretty things that my beautiful friends make. 
i feel like walking to run, running to take off flying.
soon.
freedom.

i support the DREAM act.

it’s quite simple:

people with the opportunity to advance themselves tend to be functioning, contributing members of society. if we have fewer of them, we develop something called social decline.  social decline means fewer teachers, fewer qualified persons to replace retirees, brain drain in college towns and states w/ great education systems, and all around suckage.
i don’t want the united states to suck because people who came here as undocumented minors aren’t allowed to improve their lives. especially if they actively seek the opportunity to improve their situations — isn’t this why parents would risk legal action by the US government in the first place? to see their kids improve their situations?  isn’t that what any parent wants for their child(ren)? if we’re allowed to go to the polls and vote away another person’s rights, why can’t we influence our lawmakers to grant rights to others? the right to incur obscene amounts of student debt and then work their asses off to pay it off? the right to go into the armed forces to serve in whatever capacity necessary?  there are undocumented minors who want to do this. so why say no?
to encourage the obama administration to pass the DREAM act, click here. to read about the DREAM act and the people who’d benefit from it, go here.

in my dreams again.

him. the crush.

this time, there was lots of touch. some good jokes. skin-to-skin contact. we were sitting in my bed. a few times he climbed over me to get something off the dresser. other times he walked into the kitchen to get me something to drink or eat. i wasn’t sick, but simply the center of attention.
and the last time my alarm went off, i was waiting for him to come back. i was expecting a kiss. anticipating our fingers to be entangled and our foreheads to touch, for there to be some whispered compliments and some sharing of extremely private jokes.
but i had to wake up.
to nothing but a wisp of a memory.

i don’t even know dude like that

to be dreaming about him.
shit.
barely three conversations, and he’s traipsing through my REM?
we’re in this dream, talking about learning portuguese and what we felt was the presence of yemaya in favela rising
and i’m all kinds of twisted about this
maybe it means something
maybe i should just get some fucking sleep
i don’t know.

but what i do know is that the feeling has been with me all day long.
*sigh*

what if

every man i’ve ever known took a class with ted bunch? what if every woman i’ve ever known went to the house of womyn’s power? what if every black reproductive health specialist started sharing opinions like this one?

it doesn’t matter why i’m asking.
i’m just envisioning the world i want to live in, even if i’m there by myself or with a very select few.

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