i’m confused.

at first, i thought that there’d only be snippets of nas’ assertion that everyone in this country now qualifies as the n-word. but i found a video clip!

& yeah, i can more or less see his argument — particularly in post 9/11 america. the way the government watches us, the way our info is sold & tracked. i totally get that. none of us is safe; each of us is victimized. it may not be fire hoses & dogs, but there’s always something.

but yo.
that thing about black peoples’ right to vote expiring? last i heard it wasn’t true. there’s at least one statement from the department of justice that clarifies what the voting rights act is all about. i don’t know where that ish comes from, but if it comes from the same places that those damn “pass this on to heal little melanie’s eyebrow cancer” emails, then i’m gonna be disappointed in nas as a grown person. grown ppl tend to check facts before they start running off at the mouth about things like that. if someone can find me something to back up what he’s talking about, i’ll appreciate it. in the meantime, i think it’s another bullshit urban legend.

i don’t knock the john lennon reference, kelis . . . but i still, for some reason, want you to shut the fuck up. i can’t explain it. i used to like kelis a lot. but since her second album went unreleased in the states & her third only had one hit (milkshake, y’all) i feel kinda like she dumbed herself down in the name of making herself ‘relevant’ to the ppl who’d buy her shit: teenagers. bad move. but that’s another post for another time.

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no way.

70 degrees in january?
you’re playin. i must be dreamin. lord have mercy, it was simply glorious out today!

of course i was out until almost 10 pm.
of course i took a cab home ($11 well spent!)
& of course . . . i’m still up. frontin like i don’t have a 10+ hour day at work tomorrow.

but i had to be thankful for the weather. i had to share that. i’m so rejuvenated by it, even if it is dark at 5 pm every day.

if snitches get stitches, then sew me up.

megan meier didn’t deserve this. i don’t care what happened between two kids — if a parent gets involved, it should be to end the drama. not turn it into some torturefest that ends in suicide.
i applaud the (anonymous) mother who told the truth.

outside of that, i’ve nothing to say, really, except this:

rest in peace, megan.

out of pocket in atlanta: shawntae harris.

hitting people upside the head with bottles of rum? really?

the most organized thoughts i could immediately muster about such a report are best reflected by miss jalylah burrell in this post on she real cool (i still wish i’d been clever enough to conceive of such a blog title, even after 2 years of reading). a quote:

Simplemindeness leads too many to believe that certain bodies are immune from perpetuating isms. People of Color, Women and/or LGBTQ’s identities do not endow them with progressiveness and sometime they can be as vigilant as the mainstream in instilling perpetuating and maintaining the strictures that incongruously tightly circumscribe their lives.

by virtue of that same simplemindedness (as it belongs to others, not so much this writer), i think she makes black lesbians look bad. if you’re the only reference point that some folks have for an entire group of people, you are an ambassador, whether your ass wishes to be or not. people are stupid. just like being the only black person around will get you some bullshit in all-white “liberal” or “inquisitive”circles, being the only lesbian (particularly around some strongly heterosexist, queerphobic black folks) will get you some bullshit. there’s a culture of exclusion among black folk as is, incidents like this (whether largely publicized or not) seem to be the carte blanche that these closed-minded folks need in order to justify hate. the same way black men in hoodies, timbs, the “wrong” sneakers/ jeans combo, etc. aren’t allowed into certain night spots because of what someone “dressed similarly” may or may not have fucking done in that same night spot or a different one. i’m not justifying acts of exclusion, but i definitely see that side of those behaviors. if you’re an inside-the-box thinker, what else are you gonna think? “she’s a lesbian, she’s black, she’s kinda butchy so i guess i can expect that from kinda butchy black lesbians.” thinking in a line is dangerous. even when the linear thinking is based on lies & exaggerations. call me crazy, but that’s just what i think. people are that dumb, unfortunately. sometimes, we give others ammunition through our convoluted, negative behaviors. i don’t feel like it’s okay to assume that one person should represent all folks who can be classified in that group (at the same time, i’m not terribly keen on identity politics & classifying folks in the first place) . . . but i guess my disturbance is that behavior like this certainly doesn’t help anyone who struggles for the rights of a group — black folks, women, the LBGTQ community, poor folks, etc.

doesn’t she have any kind of fucking home training? you just hit motherfuckers in the head with bottles of booze (that i presume she paid for, cuz who the fuck is giving her irrelevant-to-current-music ass any freebies?) when you have a problem with them? from what i read in jalylah’s blog, & other random bits of celebrity gossip/ news i’ve heard she’s got some stunted social growth/ anger management/ alcohol consumption issues. to paraphrase katt williams, if folks say the same exact shit about you for 20 years, it’s true. that is, her behavior from what i’ve observed/ heard is congruent w/ someone who has some issues they need to work out. homegirl needs to put the bottle down for more reason than one, i’m willing to bet. no matter what someone says or does to you (short of threatening your life with action or words), you as a grown ass person probably need to learn to walk away. & you definitely don’t come at them after the fact to assault them. fuck that. unfortunately, it’s not even really about home training. she might not have ever adhered to anything her caregiver(s) ever taught her. sad, but true.

maybe i hold women to a higher standard. maybe i hold black folks to a higher standard, & therefore lean on black women extra hard. but ultimately, this incident is so telling! it says so much about the way we internalize the colonization of ourselves & our ancestors. if she makes you mad, hit her. if she rebuffs your advances, she’s a worthless/ good-for-nothing/ funny looking/ tacky whore/ bitch/ skag/ heifer/ ho . . . & if she dare speak back, show her who’s boss. this is something i’ve seen from butch lesbians as much as i’ve seen it from hetero-identifying men. i don’t give a fuck, anyone who feeds into the gender constructs (regardless of biological sex) is susceptible to the comfort of what being a man or woman will get you in this society. maybe that doesn’t make sense . . . what i’m speaking on is what i’ve observed with my own eyes, what i’ve felt in my heart of hearts. there are women running around here thinking they can play the part better than a bio male can within the same social constructs, & that is dangerous. not because i believe gender roles are static, but because in this place we call america those gender roles are rife with oppression. because they are misleading & create a space wherein domestic abuse is okay, wherein it’s okay to dominate your partner simply because it’s what’s “supposed to happen.” carrying around & perpetuating the fucked up attitudes/ behaviors that you’ve been exposed to isn’t suddenly made okay if you’re not in a heterosexual romantic relationship. sorry. essentially, mistreatment of another human being is supposed to be wrong all of the time.
*sigh*
i lost my train of thought. but i think that’s enough for now.

i’m expecting someone who doesn’t respect my stance to come attack me in the comments box . . . because i’m supposed to forgive her class status (before becoming a wealthy/ famous rapper), blame hip hop for her acting like that, & give her a pass because i’m a queer black woman myself.

right.

oh, hell no.

wtf?

i’m kinda, like… flabbergasted.

please feel free to engage me in discourse in the comments, okay?

there is so much wrong here. so much.

it goes deeper than

just hating one’s job. sometimes, the job manifests its destructive nature in how employees are treated. this post from yearning mice on fire more than explains the indoctrination that large companies (& even government entities, like the one where i work) drill into the heads of their employees. there’s a comply-or-die attitude that lots of employers seem to have. i’ve seen it everywhere from retail/ food service to non-profit environs.

this reflects exactly how i feel about the job i have now. really.

thanks to tenacious one for posting the link on her blog. (i’m digesting that transpolitics post. good GODDESS, it made my brain tingle!)

something that amazes me about life:

people really think that you’re spoiled if you ask for specifically what you want, & anticipate at least coming close to getting it. that worries me. why am i spoiled just because i’m trying to make some things happen for myself, things that i want/ need/ desire? that makes zero sense to me. i don’t care if i want thigh-high socks from american apparel or a damn mosaic made from recycled glass . . . if i want it, & i can make it so, i’m going to make sure i have it. peace of mind, a happy family, new sneakers, a meal at brasserie perrier . . . whatever the fuck i want. i’m not saying that just because i want something it should be so. i’m saying that if i’m working toward something, or creating the conditions for something to happen/ come into my possession, why on earth shouldn’t i expect it to be so?

i just don’t get it. maybe gratification is something i’m only supposed to believe in if it’s delayed (ie the idea of heaven being far away as presented by the big three). i don’t feel that way. i think that’s a dumb idea. there is pleasure here. there is bliss here. there are blessings here. there is satisfaction right here. of course, we suffer. but some of the pain we experience can be alleviated or removed altogether by the same hands we use to create it. the widespread misery of humankind, to me, cannot be defined simply as god’s will. i mean, do human beings not have their own will? do people not possess the ability to recognize wrongdoing/ suffering & then do something about it? however small, you can make an effort.

maybe the easiest thing to do is to lie down & take it. that is, pray for whatever & fail to put forth any effort. but in that book some of y’all rely on exclusively, the bible? i’m pretty sure that somewhere in there it says that faith without works is dead. so . . . like i said to R the other night, being religious is easy. it’s being a person of faith that’s hard.

so, i said all that to say this: have what you want. be balanced enough to see what work you’ve got to do to achieve it. it’s that much sweeter when you get your blessings here, now.

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