train wreck!

soooo i was on twitter mindin my own beeswax, being the benevolent servant of the god/dess that i am. & i tweeted that i wasn’t even finna read jill scott’s essence column on interracial dating & why it hurts her feelings.  (because they are her feelings. & what’s my reading gonna do?) shortly thereafter, i was @ replied by @Interracial_Mag with a link to a blog post about their (i’m guessing the guy in the profile picture, who IDs as the primary writer of the blog, a white hetero cisgender man) view on jill’s essence column.  now, i was gonna sit down and do a well-thought-out comment on this man’s blog. but i realized after some back-and-forth w/ him on twitter that it may be better for me to go paragraph-by-paragraph and really express what it is i think/ feel about this. and maybe i’ll put all my little comments into a neat package and send them to the writer of the interracial love magazine blog… or not. either way, i had to say something. cuz i’m a bigmouth.  my notes are in italics and bracketed. i call this the lazy blogging method.

Jill Scott, Interracial Dating, and Interracial Love Magazine!

“Not a day goes by that the question of “What do you think of interracial dating?” is not asked somewhere in social media land. It continues to be one of the hottest, highly debated, and most controversial topics of our time.” – Interracial Love Magazine, 2010

Due to the response of Jill Scott’s recent celebrity contribution to Essence Magazine, we decided to write our response.

But first, an introduction is on order. We are Interracial Love Magazine. We blog on topics that primarily support interracial love, sex, and dating between white men and black women. Unlike many blogs within our niche/category, Interracial Love Magazine is written primarily by a white male. [my first question: why is it called interracial love magazine, instead of black women dating white men magazine? race isn’t just about black & white folks, is it?]

As the site has grown, as well as the topic of interracial dating, we have felt the need to expand our content to discuss issues of white and black culture, race, and even celebrity news.

In Jill Scott’s case, you get all of the above!

We used to think that any attention to the subject of interracial dating was a good thing. But, Jill Scott dispelled that theory with one fell swoop.

For black women, there are internal mechanisms within themselves and their culture that prevent them from pursuing interracial relationships. Part of our work here on Interracial Love Magazine is to overcome these barriers. [what are the internal mechanisms within black women? name them specifically. can’t it be argued that those mechanisms are directly related to larger societal conditions/ norms that impact all ppl within US society, not just mechanisms within the culture of US black women only? if the primary writer of this blog is a white man and the writer of this post is that same white man, why is it his job to overcome barriers that aren’t his, unless those barriers serve specifically to keep him from dating black women? this implies that black women need saving from themselves. no good.]

In our view, nothing defies the social stigma of racism, prejudice, discrimination, oppression, and hate than interracial union. Jill Scott’s impulse to “wince” when she discovers her friend has a white wife defies this principle. [how so? maybe racism, prejudice, discrimination, oppression and hate are present in her life as a black woman in this world. this suggests a “sweep it under the rug” stance.  or, “it’s not a problem for me (white cis man in the US), so why/ how is it a problem for you?” not okay. how is this helping anyone, again, except the writer?]

In her article from Essence Magazine, she goes on to give a graphic account on the treatment of black people and how the white woman was revered and regarded in American society. She also mentions how black men and women stood together and shared a common struggle. This is true. And it’s important that we remember this part of American history. It should never be forgotten. [forgotten? possibly. depends on whose history you’re telling/ reading. often ignored & dismissed as an antiquated stance that has not evolved to conceal itself or withstood a shift in larger social consciousness? absolutely.]

“If a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death” – Jill Scott

Fortunately, since the days of slavery, and the beginning of what would be the Jim Crow era, things have changed in this country.

We are surrounded with many examples of interracial relationships connected to iconic beauty within white culture like Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush… and Heidi Klum and Seal… just to point out a couple of the more recognized celebrities. [now, look. things have changed. but i don’t know how much they’ve changed w/ the very obvious lynching threats of the jena 6, and the noose found in the library (among other assorted madness) at UCSD this past february.  with these things — and what i imagine to be more incidents of racist fuckery, subtle as well as obvious — meeting black folks all over on the regular i can’t say that things have changed so much. i really can’t.]

Neither Seal nor Reggie Bush look fearful of retribution for their involvement with their white partners, do they? Do you think they look over their shoulder and wonder if a lyching [sic] rope (innit called a noose? shouldn’t you just call it that?) has been tied around the closest tree for them? …Please…  [reggie bush and seal, first off, have the luxury of being able to hire people to protect them from threats for being involved w/ non-black women. they have the luxury of having people read their mail for them, so they may never see any threats against them or their partners.  furthermore, reggie and kim k have breakup rumors swirling around them like flies around shit. why use them as an example at all? oh. wait.  nothing in your statement of intent says that your blog supports healthy relationships btwn black women and white men. never fucking mind.  (the argument that the person behind the twitter account said the kim & reggie example was used ‘for familiarity.’ plausible, but unwise in my opinion.  celebrities are usually not more familiar to us than people we actually engage with on the regular. are they? i mean, wait, does that mean i’m BFFs with erykah badu cuz i play her music a whole lot?)  also: that “…Please…” implies that jill’s calling to mind the jim crow era is exaggerated, or otherwise wrong. if that’s where her mind goes when she thinks of black men and white women, so be it. don’t be so dismissive.]

Also, Ms. Scott says: “Most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!”

I’m not quite sure what the message is here, do you? [aside from the grammatical error in this question: ask jill. or ask the essence editors. i’m sure someone will get back to you.  essence magazine has a great track record of engaging ppl in all kinds of discussion. for real.  also: this quote speaks to something that a white hetero man could never understand, because he’s never experienced it. the treatment of black folk as a monolith has fucked up repercussions. & i’ll leave it at that. but don’t start popping shit about something you’ve never experienced.  you don’t know what the message is because it really, really, really isn’t for you.  this is what privilege does: it lets you think everything is for or about you, even if/ when someone says ‘this isn’t for or about you.’]

If you read the statement, it implies that black men are shirking their paternal and financial responsibilities to their offspring and will only comply based on a judge’s order. Is that the case?  [in the context of the piece, it could definitely be suggested that she feels this way. again: ask. & ask some black men you know.]

If we said that here, every African-American reader would be leaving sharp biting comments to the effect we were “generalizing” or “miscategorizing” or “marketing negative stereotypes.” [you have no way of knowing what all of your black readership would say/ do.  but it’s quite possible that someone would take you to task for suggesting this. absolutely. the messenger, for some folks, has a lot to do w/ how the message is received.]

Yet, Jill Scott is free to slander black men at will. Is anyone offended here? Is she…”entitled?” [funny that entitlement would be mentioned here.  cuz you’re talking about something that wasn’t even pointed at you in the first place. i’m just saying, remember that you’re likely coming at this from a place of relative privilege. white privilege. male privilege. hetero privilege. cisgender privilege. mind your manners.]

It also suggests that the black woman feels abandoned and should be worthy of our concern and sympathy. [any human being is worthy of concern and sympathy, if you roll like that. i most certainly do.  and maybe some black women do feel abandoned! it’s valid if they’ve been abandoned, or told something along the lines of ‘you aren’t worthy of love’?  don’t you think? also, if you think that jill scott’s words paint black women as a group in need of rescue then kindly remove that fucked up and condescending tone from your line about the “internal mechanisms” of black women and our culture. again, mind your manners.]

We all are saddened by the plight and struggle of single mothers. [i don’t look at single parenthood as a pitiable plight. the writer of this blog post should speak for themselves. and i feel a “but…” coming on!]

But, that’s not Jill Scott’s agenda. Her goal is to “strike a nerve” among black men. [THERE’S THE “BUT”! where did she say that? if the writer of this post and i are reading the same piece, i sure as shit don’t see that. she said there’s a sting that has yet to stop burning.  & it’s true. because it ties into the idea that black women are not worthy of love. because emancipation was legal only, and did not make it so we received love and care. it did not stop the rapes, the mistreatment, the brutality, the distorted images.]

The reality is that black men have chosen to date outside their race for quite a while now. Black women could learn something from their male counterparts in this aspect. [shut the fuck up. black women could also benefit from an analysis of our situations as individual. especially when jill’s talking about us. to us. about black men. everyone isn’t dating the person they’re dating for the same reason. because we’re not a monolith. jill’s speaking from personal experience and possibly from conversations w/ other black women. you, if you are indeed the white man who’s primary writer of this blog, are speaking from what exactly? oh. your own personal experience? like i thought. back that train on up and remember that black women don’t owe an opening of their hearts to white men. the social stigma alone, which still exists ON ALL SIDES is a motherfucker.  nobody can undo years of conditioning by reading a blog post, or even through intense dialogue. leave individuals to their individual choices.]

Look, the bottom line is that black men do not owe anyone an explanation. Even Jill Scott. They are free to date anyone and any race of their choice. The same tactic is used on black women every day in blogs and social media to target them for “hating on their own race” or “emasculating their black men.” [that’s another generalization on the writer’s part. and what does “even jill scott” mean? did she say she wanted an explanation? does this writer know something that i don’t? what does an explanation have to do with the targeting of black women for emasculating black men? especially on twitter or facebook? this is not clear to me as a reader. honestly.]

Why is it that writers / bloggers are so selective and precise in their descriptions? [because they wanna be? creative license?]

Listen to how she delivers her “anonymous friend” to you in her piece: “handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy…”

Could you assume that if the gentleman that Jill Scott referred to in her article was some hardened thug, this article would have never been written?[it could be assumed. but if she was asked to write about interracial dating — black men w/ white women in particular — and the anonymous friend wasn’t part of a particular class standing, would the piece mean any less to certain folks? maybe. maybe not. we don’t know, cuz that isn’t what was published.]

In Summary

With Jill Scott’s influence and celebrity status in the black community, she could have set an enormous example by electing to throw her support behind equality, mutual respect and hope between black and white people in this country. [the path to mutual respect and equality begin and end w/ individuals. and i’m sorry, but why put that on her? and why this treatment of black women as a monolith who’ll listen to one person or go to one place for enlightenment? did jill say she hates white ppl? did she say any of that? i really don’t think that’s what was published… ]

Instead she added more confusion and dissention to an already complex issue. [dissent. not dissention. also: dissent implies that everyone was of one accord to begin with. probably not true. no group of people is a monolith.]

This is a blog. The advantage of a blog over a static website is that you have the opportunity to make a permanent impact with others simply by commenting on the articles here on Interracial Love Magazine. This is an important article. Leave your comments below.

Interracial Love Magazine is a monster on Twitter. We are very active and just as controversial. Follow us on Twitter here @Interracial_Mag.

Think about it. Want to be a leader? Follow Interracial Love Magazine.

**

my summary: jill scott isn’t the key to unlocking the imaginary ‘coloreds only’ chastity belts being worn by hetero black women in the states.  don’t put any of this on her. also: privilege is a motherfucker. i am choosing not to go into further discussion of this site, especially not its questionable (to me) sponsorship or overall tone of racial fetishizing, which slapped me in the face from the first time i clicked the link from twitter.

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. problemchylde
    Mar 28, 2010 @ 21:17:48

    I commend you for responding to that post because I honestly don’t own enough four letter words.

    Reply

  2. SekretK
    Mar 29, 2010 @ 13:12:15

    Exquisite. I often find myself commentating on other blogs and dissecting them paragraph by paragraph. I could definitely feel the intensity of your words…I could feel the anger and the confusion on what he assumed was clearly stated. Yet, I recognized that you did not take a stance either way…you simply questioned his “factual” statements and “objectified” the discussion at hand.

    My main question while reading his entire article was: Do you think Jill is representative of the sentiments all BW feel in relation to BM and interracial dating? My biggest issue with reading and hearing about interracial dating is that it is constantly assumed that BW should HAVE to open their minds and hearts to men of other races…within this, you have heteronormative and racial privilege. “I CAN’T!!!!” What happened to appreciating and desiring pure Black love…when did that become a bad preference to have?

    I wonder why they don’t tell Becky, Suzie, Jon Jon, or Bob to date outside of their race? Do they write full articles about how important it is for them to step outside the box? NO! So when BW write articles about their experience of interracial dating and the “obligations” it unjustly imposes, why is it that they are constantly attacked. Again I say, “I CAN’T!!!!!”

    I appreciate you responding to such a fallacious and ignorant article….surely, noone but BW could understand the neglect and pain that SOME BW feel when thinking of interracial dating……Again, thank you for your commentary. I’m not sure my thoughts are in sync at this point…but, I am definitely processing a lot right now.

    Reply

  3. canwepleasestopandreflect
    Mar 29, 2010 @ 16:44:00

    Thank you so much for this reasoned response. Like Ms. Problemchylde, I prob would have tended more towards telling him to STFU the WHOLE time. And particularly, thank you for emphasizing the way privilege is operating here, which is so very important to keep aware of; especially since it is so often swept under the rug. His entitlement is vile.

    Reply

  4. Interracial love Magazine
    Apr 27, 2010 @ 16:55:13

    This is Interracial Love Magazine.

    I’ll leave my comment. If the comment requires moderation, you can delete it.

    1) What a disservice to your (handful of) readers to not even make the attempt to at least read Jill Scott’s original article which prompted our response. If you failed to read it, how could you accurately gauge the validity of our response?

    2) You seem to be very puzzled about the site and its name. As what appears to be a trend in your approach to writing (poor preparation), you failed to engage our site or myself through Twitter.

    Since you were clearly out of your element, you resorted to trying to categorize myself as the over-indulgent, pompous, privileged, white male that I’m sure you have portrayed in numerous examples of personal dialogue to your convenience.

    Unfortunately, for you, it didn’t apply here.

    3) SekretK wrote: “I wonder why they don’t tell Becky, Suzie, Jon Jon, or Bob to date outside of their race? Do they write full articles about how important it is for them to step outside the box? NO!”

    We’re clearly a site whose target market is black women and white men. So, yes, we do write numerous articles directly for the Jon Jon and Bob crowd.

    Judging from the tone of your article and those that responded, you do very little to interact with whites other than in the small sanctity of your own desegregated, over-zealous, pro-black groups.

    You look at this as strength. I regard this as masking poor social integration. I won’t even touch the racial integration part.

    Which what probably could have been a mutual learning experience for both of us, you resorted to a rude, obnoxious guerilla attack of tweets followed by some implication that I wish to converse with you on an ongoing basis – and you would block me. How amusing! Again another poor character judgment on your behalf.

    Signed,

    A man with more black children than you. (Think about it.)

    Interracial Love Magazine
    #1 for interracial dating

    Reply

    • sparkle
      Apr 27, 2010 @ 18:13:34

      to ILM:
      i asked you to engage me when i first tweeted to you about the tone of your article and what you had to say. i did not fail to engage you — when i asked you direct questions, you were obtuse and impolite. you were dismissive instead of asking me to clarify the points i made to you via twitter. so i asked you to stop talking to me for that simple fact. that’s my right. i reserve that right, because, after all, we can engage with whomever we want to whenever we want to in the ways that best suit us. i don’t believe for one minute that i was wrong for this — if you felt that i was being unfair or untoward, you had every opportunity between the day that i posted that blog entry and TODAY (isn’t it about a month later?) to leave me a comment here and ask if we could hash this thing out. after all, i told you to stop talking to me on twitter — and that’s why we’re here now, having this exchange.

      1- i actually did read jill’s piece on essence.com, because your blog post made it necessary for me to do so — i wanted to make sure i read both pieces, at least twice before i wrote anything here. you wouldn’t know that because i didn’t post that. you also wouldn’t know that because i never expressed that to you. if it’s a problem, i apologize for creating any confusion. furthermore, what does my “handful of readers” have to do with anything? i write for me. i don’t write for a particular audience. do you know that google searches lead random people to my blog all the time? that my rss subscribers are quite happy with what they get here, even with my intermittent posting? stop trying to take pot shots! stick to what i wrote in this blog post instead of trying to make me look stupid, or feel bad. because you’re wasting your time.

      2 – i’m not puzzled about the site. i had a legitimate question: why not name it “black women dating white men magazine”? race is more complex than black and white in this country and all over the world. this is a plain fact. if you were to research race as a classification of human beings — even on wikipedia — you would find that even the earliest discussions of race involved more than the folks we now refer to as black and white! so you fucked that up. i’m sorry, but it’s true. i’m not confused, okay? i’m very clear: i want to know what exactly motivated you to call your online magazine by a name that is misleading in terms of the people whom it includes. i don’t believe for one minute that i was out of any element — your element is blogging, correct? as is mine. i’ve blogged off and on since 2002. nobody needs a fucking certification to blog — all they need is a URL and some time. i never called you pompous. i never said you were over-indulgent. i did, however, refer to the privilege you possess as a white heterosexual cisgender man in THIS COUNTRY. this country that is wealthy and powerful and dominant over just about every other country in our hemisphere. globally and locally, you are privileged. globally and locally, i am privileged. we have time to sit here and talk about this shit instead of toiling in sweatshops to make clothes for people, don’t we? that’s privilege. okay? okay. furthermore, you know absolutely nothing about any of my personal dialogue with anyone on this planet. mind your goddamn business. your assumption demonstrates to me that you don’t know the first thing about how to engage with people when you want them to understand your side, or change their minds. not good.

      3 – the tone of my blog post is a concerned one. a critical one, from my perspective and through my personal lens as a pansexual black woman who is single and childless. furthermore: YOU ARE USING THE WORD ‘JUDGING’ to describe what you gained from my blog post. that tells me so much. you’re passing a judgement on me as a person, and i feel that that’s unnecessary. your assertion that i view the way i dealt with you as strength implies that you don’t believe that strength is (a) unique to each individual (b) each individual’s right to display as needed. that’s unfortunate. for you to assume that i have no white friends is fucking laughable. do you know what kind of world we live in? one where there are lots of people who cross all kinds of boundaries in the name of social movements, the arts, and love above all. you don’t know me. i don’t know you. did i say i don’t like white people? that i don’t have white friends? any of that? no. so, leave it alone. furthermore, if i was rude or obnoxious to you on twitter, where was your immediate defense of yourself that involved the words “stop”? “you’re being rude”? you know fully well you never said any of that to me. come off it. blocking people on twitter has got nothing to do with character. as i said before, i reserve the right to engage with people the way i want to in the spaces i choose. if you don’t like it, that’s really too bad.

      and finally: i’m sorry that you feel that it’s necessary to tell me that you have more black children than i do. that has got NOTHING to do with ANY of this conversation. your kids aren’t your bargaining chip. they are human beings. that’s sick, sad, and fucked up.

      now:
      stay the fuck off of my blog.
      you obviously don’t care for me, so why are you here?
      the fact that you waited almost an entire calendar month to respond to a blog post which if memory serves, you read the day i posted, implies to me that you have spent more time formulating a means of trying to make me look or feel bad than even considering what i’ve expressed here. that’s not really anything to be happy about or proud of, in my opinion.
      again: stay the fuck off of my blog. don’t read my shit, don’t subscribe to my shit, don’t reply to this reply, don’t do ANYTHING except stay on your fucking end of the internet. i hope that we’re clear.

      thank you for giving me a chance to increase my readership from a “handful” to a pittance — maybe some of your readers will come over so they can find out what mean thing the big bad single woman said about you!

      fuck off.

      Reply

  5. omi
    Apr 27, 2010 @ 17:20:06

    all due respect, mr. magazine, but you can have all the black children in the world without having done the work of examining your own levels of privilege and paternalism.

    insulting – as if it is an insult – a woman’s childlessness is a clear example of your overindulgent, privileged white maleness. you told on yourself without even trying.

    if you’d like to see what a white man attempting anti-oppression work looks like, i suggest this blog: http://radicalprofeminist.blogspot.com/

    peace.

    Reply

  6. problemchylde
    Apr 27, 2010 @ 18:22:36

    Considering there are many sections where dopegirlfresh makes reference to Jill Scott’s words and to your piece, the claim that she didn’t read the original piece is unfounded.

    Secondly, Interracial Love Magazine — if it is just a site dedicated to White men and Black women in relationships — is a misnomer. Interracial love goes far beyond heterosexual relationships and beyond just Black/White couplings. I’m sure you’ll tell me you incorporate that as well, even though you just insisted that your target audience is White men and Black women. That’s what most people would call “backpedaling.”

    Finally, I worry about your Black children since you’re currently using them to one-up a person you know very little about in an online argument. Is that your default solution to someone who doesn’t agree with you who’s Black? “I have Black friends/children/partners/fans!” Get over yourself.

    Reply

  7. Fiqah
    Apr 27, 2010 @ 20:00:02

    @Interracial love Magazine: You are a nearly perfect encapsulation of EVERYTHING that is wrong with how so many folks approach interracial dating. Your blog – which absolutely reeks of race fetishization – would indeed be more accurately named “Black Women And The White Men Who Love Them Within An Extremely Narrow Context.” A Black woman’s willingness to romantically consider a White man is not necessarily indicative of her approach to race relations in general, and a White man’s willingness to be romantically involved with a Black woman is not necessarily indicative of his own lack of racism. Considering the INCREDIBLY painful history of Black woman/White man couplings in this country and the very real contemporary racism that people of color encounter every day, I’d expect someone who claims to be as aware of/sensitive to race as you claim to be a little bit more understanding of why a Black woman might be just a little hesitant to about dating a White man. Instead, you throw a tantrum because the owner of this blog won’t engage you further on Twitter and (gasps!) objects to your encouragement of race fetishism masquerading as a multicultural approach to love.

    One last thing: you know who else has more Black children than Sparkle? Strom Thurmond. Yeahhhhh. Where you’re willing to put your dick was NEVER a measure of how open-minded and evolved you are about race. I can’t even believe you thought it was okay to make that argument. You should be ashamed of yourself.

    Reply

  8. benjie
    Apr 28, 2010 @ 10:30:14

    hey @ interracial love mag…

    that whole comment seemed rather “douchey” to me, or “douchebag-esque” if you will. and i’m not just saying that because i don’t agree with what you said, it just has that feeling to it.

    …just saying.

    Reply

  9. Super Hussy
    Apr 28, 2010 @ 11:11:23

    Interracial Love Magazine or whatever it is supposed to be is about the white man’s continued exotification and oppression of black pussy. Ain’t no love there at all. Asshat.

    Reply

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