indulgence.

lately, i feel like giving into my inner child as much as possible.  she wants to dress up, she wants to play with new kids, she wants to dance and sing and eat whatever she wants to. she wants cake at 3 in the morning. she wants fun, and music, and a trail of butterflies to follow her everywhere she goes.

and dammit, i am determined to make it happen for her. she deserves it. i owe it to her.  she deserves to live without fear, she deserves to live without being bullied, without feeling like she isn’t free to be herself.  

i don’t think anybody ever told me that it’s okay to acknowledge my inner child.  i don’t think anyone ever said to me, “sparkle, the inner child is the purest version of you,” so that i’d embrace her. my inner little girl is attention-starved, a bit expression-deprived, and still trying to make sense of the chaos that one day swallowed her up.  i suppose that reaching that far into my personal herstory is the one thing missing from my process. i know what damaged me three years ago, six months ago, two days ago. but the first break is foreign to me.  

the little girl wants to delve. she wants to hold this grown woman’s hand and take that walk down that slope, through that valley, around that bend and follow that creek to the source. the pool of water where i swam before entering this realm will hold everything. the reflections, the things i cast off in an attempt to forget me.

i must indulge her, i must indulge me. for the sake of my own journey.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. kaaazzzz
    Apr 23, 2009 @ 02:06:31

    hey i just had to drop you a comment to say how much i respect what you’re putting out. i love your politics and the way you see the world, and that posting about somali pirates had me going crazy looking for more articles and stuff to read, enlightening stuff.

    Reply

  2. mama
    Apr 25, 2009 @ 15:25:26

    hey doll…could we please crosspost this to raven’s eye? if you are interested drop us an email at ravenseyeblog@gmail.com
    thanks!

    Reply

  3. La Blaxicana
    Apr 26, 2009 @ 18:20:32

    i saw GO FOR IT! no one is gonna love you like your inner child will love you. she deserves some fun. go get ’em girl!

    PEACE

    Reply

  4. Trackback: indulgence « Raven’s Eye
  5. strungtongues
    May 10, 2009 @ 02:08:14

    so, umm, sparkle, is it? i love reading your posts, and thanks for inviting me into that journey. i’m wanting more, girly! really though, that’s just me being selfish. write when you are moved to, as if i have any authority to tell you that.
    have a lovely day, sister, ‘cuz you are unquestionably lovely.

    Reply

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