i don’t do

special needs men.

that is, if you’re beyond the regular kind of crazy
if you’re slow to the point where context clues don’t help you figure out wtf i’m talking about
if you can’t imagine your life without fast food and/ or have a dependency on sugar
if you’re afraid to admit not knowing something
if you’re afraid to learn something
if you aren’t trying to improve your life beyond material assets
if you can’t fathom ever vacationing or moving away from the place where you live right now
if your idea of appropriate foodstuffs for a child includes soda or grape drink
if you think cable is a necessity
if you don’t know that the first CDs were certificates of deposit, not compact discs
if you think it’s abnormal to believe in someone not named jesus, allah, yaweh, jehovah, or god
if you have being rich confused with being wealthy
if you’re impressed by kanye but have no idea who j. dilla was/ is
if you think i’m tryna be someone other than myself because i aspire to be multilingual
if you think being on welfare is a permanent condition, and not a tool to improve the quality of one’s life
if you think r. kelly is good for anything other than shaking your head or being disappointed
if you have a tattoo on your neck, face, outer wrist, either hand, behind your ear, or on your forearm(s) and you do not have the skills to earn a decent living outside of a crappy, low-paying job
if you believe that it’s okay to have sex without protection and you believe children are merely a consequence of getting your dick wet
if your idea of a suitable marriage proposal is tied to the lyrics of jagged edge’s “let’s get married”
if you grew up in the suburbs but aspire to be “hood”
if you love city of god because it gave you ideas on how to be a bad dude
. . .

if any of the above characteristics applies to you, i qualify you as special needs.
and i especially need for you to stay away from me
cuz i can’t do it. your healing isn’t my job. i’m trying hard as shit to fix me.


yes, dammit

i love this freaking video.

oh, boy.

here we motherfreakin go.

reading this article, a few things popped into my mind:
– maybe folks don’t talk enough about what to do when they don’t know what to do. i.e., the one woman’s situation where the doctor recommended that the mother receive an IV. i don’t know that i would have recommended that the woman go take a shower. i always understood being a doula as being present in assisting the mother in the birth she wants. if a client changes her mind mid-labor about being all natural, am i really in any kind of a position to give her static? i genuinely don’t think so. everyone’s anxious about safe passage for the child. everyone wants the mother to be okay and for it to be as easy a labor as possible. i’m not so keen on sending a woman to get a shower if she’s considering an IV.

– umm, of course a lactation consultant is pushing breast milk. it’s that person’s freaking job. if you don’t need consultation, the consultant doesn’t have a job anymore. however, lactation consultants are not MDs in most instances. this means that knowledge of a lack of hormone in the mother’s body is not something that ought to be laid upon the shoulders of the lactation consultant. i don’t think that a mother’s inability to produce breast milk is something for anyone except the mother to be upset about. really. i’m sure that such a thing is crushing to a woman who’s planned to breast feed. it’s really for her to deal with, along with the aid of her partner and whomever else is part of her support system. come the hell on. if i’m doing breastfeeding education with a client and it turns out that she’s incapable of producing milk, wtf kind of person am i (let alone doula) if i get uptight with her about using formula instead? really.

– the best part of the whole article is the quote from jessica sacher. parents absolutely have the same amount of due diligence as when choosing a pediatrician. it’s cool to be excited about going the natural birth route, and having a doula and/ or midwife. but fantasy and idealism kind of go out the window when you’re facing the choice between an epidural and suffering through what may be the most intense pain you’ve ever felt in your life.

this article made me think about someone’s caveat to me a few weeks ago: “make sure you know how to sell yourself as a doula. what makes you unique? why should someone hire you instead of a woman who’s an RN or a licensed massage therapist?” it turned my stomach that she turned it into a sale thing. for crying out loud, she works in the maternal & infant health field — has done so for more years than i’ve been on this damn planet — & instead of sharing resources with me, she fucking decides i need to sell my services as one might sell ass on a street corner. i’m glad i stopped listening to her ass halfway through the ‘advice session.’ i mean, of course i need to present myself the best way i possibly can. but also, i feel that an informed, positively minded parent or couple will choose someone who best fits their needs. it’s ridiculous for me to try to land clients the way jewelry salespeople fight for commission. there are more births out there than i could possibly handle. if i were in it for the clout i’d have gone ahead to get an MPH and be someone’s snot nosed hospital administrator.

also, i believe that prevention is the one thing that best combats situations where conflict occurs between doula and parent(s), between nurse and doula, etc.

i could be writing all night. i can’t afford to. feel free to carry on in the comments, people.


until she puts it up on blogger

i’m sharing with you dear readers a declaration posted by miss oyin on behalf of the buckwild family (just as adorable as the care bears & their cousins, but way more serious). a declaration of war, of sorts, against the kingdom of niggadom. after an experience w/ two of TKON’s most fierce warriors — women i work with, both of whom espouse SO MUCH PRIDE in black folk/ blackness, i felt it necessary to remind myself why i don’t subscribe to that school of “thought.”

Me and some otha membas of the Buckwild family have been chit chattin. We been doin some sharing of stories and some truth tellin and just some general vibin about the stuff that niggas get into.

How they abuse

How they manipulate situations

How they hurt us and themselves

All for The Kingdom of Niggadom!

And how no matter how enlightened a brotha is

At the end of the day

Should he choose to do so

He can lay all that to the side and post up in The Kingdom of Niggadom (TKON)

TKON is a terrorist organization. It is, among other things:








TKON endorses the wholesale rape and destruction of womanhood. And it offers us either a pornographic cardboard cut out OR a whitewashed passionless virginal caricature to replace that destroyed womanhood. Now this don’t mean that TKON is necessarily physically raping a woman, (tho TKON isn’t above that either) cause TKON can be very subtle in its ways and workings.

TKON will have you to believe that your main purpose in life as a woman is to bear children and be a helpmeet of a nigga. And should you not want to devote your life to bein a helpmeet then something is wrong witchu, or maybe you’re a lesbian or perhaps you done picked up a evil spirit from yo woman friends: “Whatchu mean you dont feel free??? You be sittin up letting them women you hang around wit fill yo head wit all kinda nonsense. You betta watcho self or you wont neva have no manTHEN whatchu gone do? It say in the Bible that a womans place is . . .”

One of TKON’s favorite threats is that you gone end up in Hell, or even worse…old and alone.

TKON will have you to believe that the abuse that it hands out is really somehow all YOUR fault because you are too free, or too pretty, or too nice, or you smile at men too much or you don’t clean house the way that it should be cleaned or on the day that it should be cleaned, or because you don’t worship God the correct way.

TKON doesnt necessarily hit or yell, TKON is highly skilled in the usage of painful snide remarks and public humiliation. TKON will also withhold affection to teach you a lesson/punish you for not acting in accordance with the bylaws of TKON. For example, you may not get kissed hello because the house ain’t as clean as its supposed to be even tho TKON will NOT clean anything or pick up anything because that is womans work.

TKON promotes listening to your boys before you listen to anything that your woman or your mama tries to tell you because all women want to do is get over on you anyway or tie you down. TKON is the origin of the rumor that “she got pregnant on purpose.”

TKON likes the THEORY of a relationship with a woman, but actual intimacy without manipulation of some sort is usually beyond the capabilities of TKON.

TKON ultimately believes that if you don’t agree with it, its because you don’t UNDERSTAND it,

Cause you ain’t deep enough,

You don’t fast enough,

You don’t read enough,

You don’t pray enough,

You don’t watch the right tv shows,

You watch tv,

You wear yo stomach out,

You be temptin’ men

You haven’t read freud or jung

You straight

You gay

You dress too flamboyantly

You don’t own enough white linen

Yo jeans too tight

You got a perm

Yo hair is too nappy

You have locs but you don’t talk to them

Yo diet has too many carbs

Yo diet don’t have enough wheatgrass

You don’t eat no meat

You be burnin’ all that incense

You don’t neva burn no incense

Etc. etc. etc.

When grievances are brought before the court of TKON

1. TKON ignores the entire case because listening and being transformed by what is heard is outside of the capabilities of TKON

2. TKON will flip the entire scenario and make the entire incident/issue out to be some fault of the plaintiff OR circumstances surrounding TKON, because of course TKON is flawless in EVERY way and obviously anyone who doesn’t agree is crazed or should be in therapy or on some kind of medication

3. In very special cases, when TKON has cut to complete craziness and stayed crazy for a long period of time, TKON will institute surface level changes that will cause the plaintiff to believe that he/she has been heard. This keeps TKON in its position of comfort and power, with minimal effort. Note: these changes have a shelf life of 3 days-6 months, however based on our field research, the most common length of time is 2 weeks.

Sistas who have fallen victim to TKON typically react in one of two ways:

1. The denounce TKON and say fuck it and they mean it and they spit on the foundations of TKON.

2. They try to prove to TKON that they are a different kind of woman and therefore worthy of the love, affection, and esteem that TKON has on reserve for that perfect woman/queen.

I am a category 1 up in this piece. I say FUCK IT!



I will get me a sign and picket outside the gates of that muthafucka

I am SICK and goddammit TIRED of NIGGAS WINNIN

I am TIRED of NIGGAS not bein held accountable for their actions

I am tired of Niggasebein put up on pedestals cause we scared of how they gone act if we worship at our own shrine instead of theirs

FUCK that shit

I am shootin TKON in the stomach and blowin air in the hole

I am breakin TKON’s fingers and wigglin em til he pass out or die of a heartattack

I ain’t keepin TKON’s secrets NO MORE

On THIS day in MY NAME, by the power of my womb, the power that I use to create the life that I love, I withdraw my ASE from The Kingdom of Niggadom

I am exitin’ stage left and takin’ up residence in The Town of Women

And I got my yam pounder cocked and ready for any muthafucka who feelin squirrely

When the men are ready

we can move to a new place.

But from now until the time that the dust settles on the destruction

I will shake my red tailfeathers in the general direction of TKON

And I will chant that shit down like they be chantin down Babylon

Num Yo Ho, No Mo Niggas Winnin © Beauchamp de Leau & Sugarlee Buckwild

I cordially invite all like minded persons (women in particular) to chant that shit down WITH me.

***Babylonian Sidebar***

we need to find us another name for Babylon cause in ancient times the chief problem that folks had with Babylon was the freeness of the women so I’m actually a Babylon SUPPORTER.

in the name of all that is on point & wonderful in the universe, i wholeheartedly second, third, fourth, and umpteenth that. shit.


kathryn hall trujillo of the birthing project usa @ the black healers & midwives conference in phoenix last year:


next stop:
full circle doula training with shafia monroe. :D

philly. all day, every day.

cassidy: i’m a hustla (note that he’s on the five-deuce doing his thing)

freeway + allen anthony: alright

dj jazzy jeff + peedi peedi: brand new funk 2k7 (north philly, stand UP.)

bahamadia: true honey buns

there’ll be another post like this soon. :D

i’m alive.

not spending nearly as much time writing as i’d like to, but sometimes you have to read some good shit in order to write some good shit.
i discovered a new band & pineapple upside down bread pudding.


watching real sex, reading some good shit courtesy of mama gena & oyin
giving myself permission to open myself up to what has the potential to be a really fantastic time.

as the sun warms this portion of the world & as a result my cold bones, i see what’s on the horizon. it makes me smile.

& maybe i’ll learn to wine properly this summer.

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