to declare it, once & for all, so everyone can know:
i wanna get knocked up. i want to be pregnant one sunny day & know that soon, the life in me is going to come forth. i want to smile very coyly at my man & giggle when he talks to my belly. i want to be secure enough to trust enough to get pregnant with a man & know that he’s someone whose seed i’m not afraid to sow. i want to brew me a warrior child w/ pacifist leanings, activist tendencies, & a great love of life. i want the initial shock of finding that i’m pregnant be the prelude to gloriously blissful feelings. i want to welcome motherhood. i want to feel the baby turning around and getting excited when i’m excited. i want to sing lullabies in different languages & give thanks to the most high every single day for the blessing of carrying a life into this world. i want to take henna to my belly as it grows & make it look extra fly as an extension of me. i want a home birth with a nurse-midwife (hi, aba! can’t wait until you’re fully legit, girl), a doula, & an ob-gyn i trust on standby. i want my man to be there & as involved as he wants to be in the actual delivery. i want my mom to quit trippin long enough to appreciate how differently i’m finna do it; i want my sisters to be the best aunties ever. i want my maternal grandfather to be around to see, appreciate, love & acquaint himself with his first ever great-grandchild. i want my dear, dear girlfriends (all 834 of them) to send love & good energy more than i want them (or anyone else) to buy fly gifts. i want pretty dresses to wear once i’m too expanded for my regular clothes. i want to give birth in what will be the baby’s room. i want to make baby food outside of my body. i will breast feed. period. i want to travel with my baby. i want to teach my baby ASL. i want to make the transition as pleasant as possible for my baby. i will not be in anyone’s stark white florescent hospital room with people yanking & talking loudly; it would drive me crazy & i know it would be traumatic for baby. i want a peaceful situation during the gestation. i want to know for certain that i’m safe, loved, & secure in my home. i want to feel free enough to do it, & aware enough of what’s going on around me to make informed decisions about mothering.
i’m just sayin. i want to do this. i’m not as ready as i know i need to be (i don’t mean just financially), but i’m getting closer. i’m comfortable with the idea. i’m not rushing into motherhood.
but i trust my highest self enough to know that the time is coming one day soon. it’s more realistic than it ever was before, & i’m making myself ready.
may my unborn child(ren) know that i’m not doing this alone. send your daddy my way, okay? don’t rush, dearest. but send him along so we can do this.
i think myra, omi, atlanta & myself need to start a club or something. lol.