but i’m really having a hard time believing that h-town &; jodeci really made a song together.
even though there’s videographic proof. ::sigh::
in no particular order, i blame the following for this shit here: trey songz, crack rocks, the death of gerald levert, the recession, waffle house, spectacular smith of pretty ricky, bad weed, the prison industrial complex, reaganomics (why the fuck NOT? that’s where crack rocks came from!), autotune, charlie wilson’s comeback (because these fools forgot that they weren’t ever on his level), jahiem (yeah, i said it), the good black man shortage myth, zane, malt liquor, crown fried chicken, fruity loops, & motherfucking blackplanet dot com. i would sue for damages, but as a black woman in america, i’ve learned that my complaints are usually only heard by those who give a damn to begin with. that’d be YOU, blog reader(s). all twelve of you.
& while we’re on former 90’s r&b starruhs, let’s take a gander at what aaron hall is doin w/ himself these days, shall we?
who dresses in their easter best to whisper to dogs?
is he using this $ to buy more suits?
note that there are no black folks letting this man into their homes. why? cuz we KNOW about aaron hall’s fool ass already!
his german sounds like his vietnamese sounds like his farsi sounds like his spanish. i’m just sayin.
now i have to watch coming to america to cleanse my mind. i hope it works.
now, y’all know i love clothes. i live for sparkly, brightly colored shit that some may shy away from. but one day about two years ago i had the misfortune of discovering that tina knowles (mother of beyonce, solange, & play mama to kelendria) had unleashed on the unsuspecting & undeserving masses released, in addition to dereon, a line of clothing via the home shopping network’s website and live broadcasts. be still, my heart! more profound fashion fuckery? i tuned into HSN to learn just what awaited me. i wasn’t ready. not at all. & i know you aren’t, either. let’s take a stroll down the hallowed halls of miss tina’s fashions. shall we?
first up: the caged beast leather hobo handbag. this thing is what nightmares are made of, i’m sure.
it originally sold for $250. WHAT? note that the bag not only has interchangeable inserts, but that they are all in an ambiguous “animal print”, sort of furry fabric! hence the name caged beast, i presume. cleva! i am still amazed that when i perused the hsn website around this time last year, there was an alarming note proclaiming that only three bags remained. i have yet to see one of these bags in person — i pray that i never do. (& i do NOT believe for one second that the woman doing this video believes anything she’s saying. dig the clowning that begins at about 1:47.)
next: from the ‘heritage’ section of misstina.com, a bit of background (my notes in italics):
The visionary behind the Miss Tina Collection blessed with her mother’s talent and creative ability, Tina Knowles rose to fame as the gifted designer and world renowned stylist for her daughters, Beyoncé and Solange Knowles and Kelly Rowland and the Grammy award winning group, Destiny’s Child. (oh, so she’s the one to blame for the piss-poor clothes in such fabrics as bright orange camoflage & “what is that, velvet?” worn by destiny’s child? don’t act like y’all don’t remember that shit from the soul train awards!) This accomplished interior designer, celebrated author and talented chef, serves as the creative force for the collection. (what the fuck has cooking got to do w/ this? and she’s a celebrated author? for realzies? i can’t.)
Tina’s unique vision; a combination of high style, attention detail sprinkled with a taste of couture, enables her to create a distinctive blend fo signature and luxe for the Miss Tina Collection. (the comma splices and extreme misuse of a semicolon have made reading this so much more absurd for me. ugh. let me guess: miss tina herself wrote the shit, & nobody dared correct her on mechanics.)
the fabric, y’all. the fucking fabric! the charmeuse, the not-even-modal jersey, the stretch denim (some of that shit is more than 3 percent lycra, which is nonsensical), & the crazy looking materials employed to make shoes all make me wonder what in the tangerine fuck is even going on here. i had the misfortune of coming across a miss tina dress in a local store. it was a mess. the cut was terrible (it even looked wack on the hanger), the fabric felt like the cheapest of cheap polyesters, & i think that for some reason the arms were inordinately huge. it was a hot pink tragedy w/ ruching (miss tina loves her some ruching!). i felt bad for whomever paid full price for the damn thing a year ago. cuz it was most certainly hanging on the super duper last ditch effort clearance rack for $12.
miss tina gives makeovers.
in conclusion, i’ll just say this: if you don’t understand what my big gripe is with tina knowles’ proliferation of bamma style, then simply do a google image search for ‘miss tina fashions’ & see what you come up with. i promise, you won’t be disappointed. or, maybe you will? depends on what you’re expecting.
free concert tickets
mediterranean food
cuties who give great hugs
quality couch time w/ good friends
yuengling lager
old friends
new friends
the healing properties of tears
revolutionary love
free laundry
purple nail polish
gold nail polish
sugar scrub
anti-histamines
& the music of fertile ground.
I LOVE FERTILE GROUND. period. point blank. one of the best live shows you’ll ever, ever, ever see in your LIFE.
fertile ground, “be natural”
i really had to struggle with finding just one clip of the roots. “water” is one of my most favorite songs of theirs & i’ve not had the pleasure of seeing them do this live more than twice, so this is a real pleasure to see. probably your favorite band’s favorite band. these men work hard as shit. philly. always.
faith evans, “come over”. her first album is still a banger. get familiar. (the video is bad, the audio is not great, but still!!!)
really random. chaka khan & kelly price, singing “through the fire.” again, lots of clips of chaka to choose from. & i love kelly’s voice too much not to share. awesome.
ledisi!!! “in the morning”. crushing the game. killing you hoes. & not softly, either.
lizz wright. “walk with me, lord”. LOVE. HER.
also, ms. wright sings “salt”. this is the jam.
i could go on forever. but, clearly, i’ve gone forth & gotten really excited. lol. enjoy your friday! may the music move you in a good direction.
i haven’t yet read the whole series, but i’m loving part 1 so far. cara also has generally outstanding feminist analyses of all kinds of stuff, & i really appreciate her writing.
next up: lauren @ faux real has an awesome chicken pot pie recipe! with a few tweaks, this could be adjusted to meet almost any dietary need. om nom nom.
my first exposure to “barack the magic negro,” via karas @ postbourgie.
the latest from the ever hilarious boondocks bootleg team, on youtube: black jesus is the cure. (this shit is funny. if you don’t laugh, i think something’s wrong with you. period.)
probably my favorite jill song. good for those days when you really do need to get your ass up & out, when you really need to motivate yourself, when it seems like whatever you’re doing is going to kill you instead of making you stronger, etc.
sweet justice climb the mountain though your hands may be weary swim the ocean though your legs may be tired run the extra mile though your stride may be worn down fight, fight, fight, fight never surrender
sweet justice
many sides to the same face searching, wanting their hour so many colors in the spectrum of life with right lies the power struggle, struggle, struggle, struggle struggle only makes a man stronger if he believes within his heart then he can find it he will find it
sweet justice sweet justice
freedom, the epitome of life lay your down your burden, soldier study, study war no more, no more trust the soul that thrives within you hold strong to your faith continue, continue, continue on, on
this is all nezua’s fault. there. i said it. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT, MAN! i’d shake an angry fist at you but i’m too.busy.dancing.must.stop.dancing.CANNOT.STOP.DANCING.
shit.
i can’t get this song out of my head. i will be dancing to this whenever i get married to whomever is perfect enough to want to wake up to this very song at least once a week (and me, but the song is just as important) . . . holy shit. i love it. turn it up LOUD if you’re not at work. or if you have headphones. hell, just turn it up anyway. chair dance, cubicle refugees! prepare yourself to fall fully in love with the synth of it all.
*ahem*
the knife, “you take my breath away”
(and homegirl on the right? her makeup is killing it. don’t think i won’t do some shit like that. cuz i will.)
1) i have earned every last hair on my pussy. so has every other woman on this earth. female circumcision, sexual assault/ abuse, loveless lives, babies, just the general drama that is encapsulated in being a black woman on this earth . . . man, fuck you and your opinions. i bet your balls stink though, right? with the obvious folds in btwn your head and neck, motherfucker, i am willing to believe that’s a trend all over your body.
2) the “it’s from africa” shit is so tired. SO beat. leave it alone. dry that bullshit up, & stop duping ppl into talking to your dumb ass. what’s wrong, you scared? wtf did the pussy hair ever do to you? and again, asshole, worry about the cleanliness of your own genitals. hair doesn’t make a pussy not worth eating or adoring. it just makes it hairy.
3) he’s hilarious for the same reason that he’s a thorn in my side: he’s got that TKON brand of intelligence, that “let’s call it african but maintain the same oppressive patriarchal bullshit” thing. hate it.
i’m a bit of an angela bofill fan. maybe a fanatic at some point. i’ve posted about her before. but peep THIS. angie & the late phyllis hyman. trust me, you’ll never see anything like this from knowles & any of her contemporaries. or maybe you will. it looks like both ladies have on tina knowles specials in this video.
the video’s concept is kinda fresh. the song doesn’t suck asscakes. and for once, it appears that mr. banhart has taken a bath. well, knock me down with a feather.
